X is sick tonight, and it is so hard not be be there for her. j is doing ok helping her, but she looks at me with her sad eyes, and i just want to be able to hug her and help her. it what i envision as the hardest part of this whole cancer/chemo process - not being there when your kids need you. it makes me sad to think of missing activities, not having the immune system to help when they aren't well, just missing out on sharing life's moments because i'm not well. i know i am geting ahead of myself, and thinking the worst, but it is what bothers me the most and makes me the saddest about this whole diagnosis. (it doesn't mean i am taking the attitude i won't be there in the long haul) tonight i just could feel the difficulty of having my health intrude on my ability to be a good mom.
please pray for X to be better soon, and for no one else to catch it. i can't quite imagine needing to throw up at the present moment - an 8" incision and puking don't sound like good partners. thanks for your prayers for us!!!
5 comments:
Natalie...my heart breaks for you right now. God wired us Moms to be in rescue mode when our children need us, so in some small way I do understand. Even though this is not how James might prefer to 'bond' with Xanna right now...they will definitely get through it and grow even closer. I know you realize that in the big picture, you have to protect your health and healing, so you can be even more present for your kids very soon. As a GREAT MOM...I know you are already doing your most important job and that is praying for your children...let that be your focus right now... Your entire family will be in our prayers...please call me if you need anything...even to run some gatorade up to you!
In His Peace~Christy
You are still a good mom, just living that role out a little differently so that you can be there in the long run. I know this must be hard. I am praying for you almost constantly. Hugs.
ugh -- nothing worse than the pukes! Sorry for the timing, but agree with all said above and you getting well sooner will enable to continue this role of mom to you kids and wife to James! Hang in there girl...........makes them appreciate all the more who you are and who you will be in days/years ahead!
xoxoxoM
Natalie,
I love you dear friend! Anxious to hear if you made it to Zac performance tonight. Praising God
that Xanna is better and praying that you will realize that your
prescence in your home is more important than anything you do! I'm so glad you were home and not in the hospital when she got sick.
YOU ARE AN AMAZING MOM, AN AMAZING FRIEND TO SO MANY AND A GREAT WIFE,
DAUGHTER, SISTER AND MOST OF ALL WOMAN OF GOD! I love you because of who you are not because of what you do!!! (:
Laurie
Natalie,
Thanks for being REAL with us and sharing your thoughts,fears, emotions, dreams, good and bad. We'll take them all and lift you in prayer!!! Praying for you!! --Lu
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